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Announcements

Details about “Assholes Finish First”

Last week I turned in the final draft of Assholes Finish First to my publisher (pre-order it here), and after copy editing and layout, it’s off to the printer. Everything is set to go for the September 28th release. To answer a few of the questions I’ve been getting:

1. How much new material will be in AFF?

A lot–about 80-90% of it is brand new. IHTSBIH was only about 50% new–the rest had previously appeared on my website. There are a few things from the website–e.g., “The Midget Story” had to go in the book, it’s too good not to include–but the vast majority of what you will read will be stuff you’ve never seen before. I haven’t stopped writing over the past few years, I just stopped putting new stories on my website, but they’ll all be in this book (and the next one, Hilarity Ensues).

2. How will it compare to IHTSBIH?

Assholes Finish First is bigger, longer, has more stories, more pictures and is more in depth. Approximately 10 more stories, 20k more words, 150 more pages, and 15 more pictures than were in IHTSBIH. Contentwise, in some ways it’s just like my first book, in other ways it’s not, but the important stuff is the same: it’s funny and compelling to read, because that’s ultimately what matters most.

3. What stories will be in it?

Here is a selection of some of the stories in Assholes Finish First. There are 47 total:

The Sexual To-Do List: A description of my Sexual To-Do List, why I started it, what’s on it, and some of my favorites stories from it.

Tucker goes to Campout, owns Duke nerds: At Duke, in order to get basketball tickets, you have to campout for them. Seriously, they make you sleep in the mud for a weekend. This did not make me happy, and this story is about how I took my anger out on all the Duke basketball nerds.

Hot, Sane, Single: A collection of stories about some of the craziest girls I’ve hooked up with. The last story, the one about the LA girl I dated, is going to surprise you.

I want to cum get a load!: I haven’t done my own laundry in years–because girls come over and do it for me. And then they sleep with me. Here’s how I pulled it off, and what happened as a result.

The Capitol City Clown Crawl: Me and 50 other people dressed up as clowns and went bar-hopping in Austin, Texas. Shit went wrong, and it was funny–to everyone except me. Complete with mugshots and police report. One of my personal favorite stories.

Baby Mama Drama: Most people have a pregnancy scare story. But probably not as intense as this one.

Everybody Fails: A lot of people, especially younger guys, think I’m amazing. I agree, I am awesome…but I still fuck up a lot, and this story is about some of my funnier screw ups.

The Virginity Paradox: You’d think that having virgins ask you to take their virginity would be cool. Think again.

The DC Halloween Party and the worst girl I ever fucked: The story about what happened the first time my law school friends and I partied together after we graduated, including how SlingBlade made a new best friend and hooked up with a girl (in the same night), and how I lost my religion on the altar of the world’s ugliest spy.

The Midgets Strike Back: Everyone knows “The Midget Story.” Well, my run-ins with midgets didn’t end there. One of them found me, and got revenge…by teaching me a valuable lesson in midget math.

The TuckerFest Story: Finally, the long awaited story about the time I got arrested driving an RV in Harlem. It’s the longest story I’ve ever written, and I have to admit, it’s pretty fucking nuts, even for me.

4. Release Schedule:

Here’s the schedule leading up to the release. There will be three major announcements in the next few months:

Early July: I hope to be able to post the completed AFF Book Tour Schedule right after the July 4th holiday. The plan right now is to hit 45 cities, starting on the Sept 28th release date and going through to November, focusing on places I’ve never done signings before.

Early August: There will be a contest that will coincide with the release of AFF, something that will have cool prizes and be easy to do; I’ll post about it in August.

Early September: The launch party for the book will be open to the public, and a few weeks before the release I’ll announce the location and give instructions on how to go.

September 28th: The book officially goes on sale at stores all over the country, and the book tour starts.